Webster's Dictionary reports that networking means the exchange of information or services among individuals, groups, or institutions; specifically : the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business. So networking is simply put, building relationships.
So why is it that so many professional women have a hard time networking if it is just building relationships? Women typically have tons of relationships and close friends don't they?
The first problem is that women sometimes give off the wrong impression when they are talking to members of the opposite sex. Times have not changed that much as the majority of professionals, at least the majority of attorneys, are still male. Males tend to associate a female trying to build a relationship with them as flirting and that they want to do more than just "network."
In order for a woman to make sure her gestures of professional development are not coming off as flirtatious, sometimes the scales tip too much to the other side and she may instead come off too harsh or aggressive.
This brings us to the second problem women have with networking. When women are networking, they may come off as aggressive when they know what they want and take steps to get it. Similarly, a woman asking for a pay raise is going to come off more aggressive than a man asking for a pay raise. It is expected of a man to negotiate his salary, but if a woman does it, it seems like she is doing something wrong. Therefore, most women do not negotiate salaries and even less go to the boss and ASK for a pay raise. This is the sole reason men get paid more than women, because women do not ASK.
If a woman does ask for a pay raise, she can come off as demanding and overpowering. This is similar to a woman approaching a male professional at a social event. She either has to be serious and talk about work or not serious and come off as flirty. Women who are serious all the time are not always liked by everyone and usually do not get a chance to get to know the males in the office because all they talk about is work and all they do when they are at the office is work. The women who are not serious all the time and spend time around the water cooler at work chatting with co-workers, feel like they are not always taken seriously and have a hard time succeeding in their profession. So women find themselves in a catch 22.
It comes down to the fact that women have to strike a balance when talking with the opposite sex as a professional. They should not come off too harsh but also not come off too flirty.
Here are some helpful tips from what I have found works.
(1) if you are married or have a significant other, talk about him. When the male professional knows how much you love your spouse or significant other, they will most likely not think you are flirting with them.
(2) Don't stand too close or touch the opposite sex. This may give them the wrong idea and is really not appropriate in a professional relationship.
(3) Never go eat with an opposite sex professional without someone else there with you. Take your spouse, a co-worker, or a friend so that the male professional doesn't get the wrong idea. This is also good in case someone sees you out with the male professional and gets the wrong idea.
(4) DO talk about something besides work. Learn something about sports, cars, or something male professionals are interested in. That way you will have something else to talk about and it will keep them interested.
(5) Always smile. This makes you seem friendly and not too serious all the time.
The more you get out there and talk to people, the more practice you will have with networking. It seems the more people you know, the less it looks like you are flirting with everyone as well. As a professional, it is good to network and meet others in your field or related fields. It's good for marketing yourself, to get more business or clients but it's also good to network for the sole benefit of making you a better you. So go out there and Network like a Girl!!!
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